Why Good Parents Sometimes Fail: Key Lessons from Adolescence (The Series)
A Wake-Up Call for Parents
In the series Adolescence, we witness Jamie's tragic struggle—a child who, despite outward appearances, was silently battling emotional isolation and unmet needs. His story is a painful reminder that children don’t just suffer because of external dangers but also from the unseen emotional gaps within their homes. As parents, we have the power to break these patterns and create a nurturing space where our children feel safe, heard, and valued.
Here are key parenting tips you can take to protect your child’s emotional well-being and prevent the cycle of transgenerational trauma that can affect future generations.
1. Let Go of Who You Think Your Child Should Be
Your child is their own person, not an extension of you. Make space for them to explore their identity and interests by:
Encouraging them to try different sports, arts, and activities—not just the ones you value.
Allowing them to pursue their own interests, even if they don’t align with your expectations.
Supporting their individuality without judgment or pressure.
📌 Example from Adolescence: Jamie’s father pressures him to succeed in soccer, not recognizing that Jamie doesn’t enjoy the sport. This creates frustration for Jamie, affecting his self-esteem and preventing him from having the space to explore his own interests.
This approach is key to raising emotionally healthy children who feel supported and confident in exploring their passions, rather than being placed into roles that don’t resonate with them.
2. Validate Their Feelings and Experiences
Children need to know their emotions are seen and understood. Instead of solving their problems, guide them in processing their feelings:
If they make a mistake, like Jamie did in soccer, ask, “How did that feel? What was that experience like for you?”
Listen without interrupting or minimizing their emotions.
Help them sort through their feelings rather than rushing to fix the issue.
Ask, “What do you need right now?” to empower them in finding solutions.
📌 Example: If your child says, “I was so embarrassed when I missed that goal,” instead of saying, “It’s not a big deal, don’t be dramatic,” try, “That must have been frustrating. What do you think you could do differently next time?”
In the series, Jamie’s dad couldn’t handle his own emotions, so he avoided the conversation because he wasn’t able to support Jamie in processing his feelings.
By giving your child emotional support and validating their feelings, you help them build emotional intelligence, which is essential for resilience and coping with life’s challenges.
3. Challenge Gender Stereotypes and Toxic Masculinity
Your beliefs about gender roles shape your child’s self-perception. Be intentional about:
Researching and staying open to new perspectives on gender identity and expression.
Understanding that toxic masculinity can be harmful and limiting.
Being a role model for emotional regulation, vulnerability, and respect.
📌 Example: If your son cries, avoid saying, “Boys don’t cry.” Instead, say, “It’s okay to feel sad. Want to talk about it?”
In Adolescence, Jamie’s dad reinforced stereotypes like valuing sports over personal interests, suppressing emotions, equating aggression with strength, demanding obedience, and dismissing mental health.
Challenging gender stereotypes at home is an essential part of fostering an emotionally open environment for your child, ensuring they feel safe to express themselves authentically.
4. Regulate Your Own Emotions
Your child learns how to manage emotions by watching you. If you struggle with emotional regulation, acknowledge it and take responsibility:
Ask yourself, “How do I handle my anger?”
Seek resources to learn healthy coping mechanisms.
Avoid explosive reactions—children imitate what they see.
Model calmness and self-awareness in difficult moments.
📌 Example from Adolescence: Jamie’s father regularly loses his temper, which creates a tense atmosphere at home. Jamie feels he must suppress his emotions in order to avoid provoking his father’s anger. Modeling emotional regulation will help prevent this cycle.
Instead of yelling, “Why do you always make a mess?!” take a deep breath and say, “I’m feeling frustrated right now. Let’s figure out how we can clean this up together.”
Emotional regulation is a critical skill that helps children learn to manage their own emotions in healthy ways, preventing emotional neglect and isolation.
5. Keep Communication Open and Judgment-Free
Children need a safe space to express themselves. You can foster this by:
Placing computers in common areas so you’re aware of their online interactions.
Engaging in conversations during car rides or while watching shows together.
Asking about their interests—sports, music, social media—without criticism.
Avoiding making their failures about you (e.g., “You’re worrying me” or “You’re disappointing me”). Instead, focus on their experience: “What do you think happened?”
Trying to eat as many meals together as possible and having a rule about no electronics at the table and no TV on during meals.
📌 Example from Adolescence: Jamie’s parents don’t communicate with him in a way that makes him feel heard, and as a result, he hides his struggles. Regular meals together, where devices are put aside, could create an opportunity for open discussions and emotional connection.
By encouraging open communication and emotional support, you help prevent your child from feeling emotionally isolated or misunderstood—like Jamie did in Adolescence.
6. Adapt as Your Child Grows
Your parenting approach needs to evolve as your child matures. Keep in mind:
Their challenges are different from the ones you faced—don’t compare them to yourself.
Trust that their behaviors have meaning; be curious rather than dismissive.
Avoid power struggles; show them what mutual respect looks like.
Remind them that you are always there for them and that every problem has a solution.
📌 Example from Adolescence: Jamie’s father doesn’t understand the pressures Jamie is under, often comparing his own past experiences with Jamie’s. This lack of empathy creates a disconnect between them, making Jamie feel unsupported.
As your child grows, adapting your parenting strategies allows them to feel heard and validated at each stage of their development, ensuring they don’t experience emotional neglect.
7. Build a Supportive Community
It takes a village to raise a child. Help them find belonging by:
Creating opportunities for them to connect with neighbors, friends, and peers.
Encouraging social activities that align with their interests.
Showing them that they are not alone in their experiences.
A supportive community provides your child with the emotional resources and connections they need to grow and thrive.
8. Help Them Explore Their Passions
A child’s worth is not tied to their achievements. Reinforce that:
Struggles or failures don’t define them; they are simply part of the learning process.
Not excelling at something doesn’t mean they are a failure—just that they haven’t found the right fit yet.
Their journey is theirs to navigate, and your role is to support them along the way.
n the series Adolescence, if Jamie had been encouraged to follow his passion, he might have had more self-esteem and resilience.
By helping your child explore their passions, you encourage a sense of self-worth that is independent of external achievements, ensuring they feel valued for who they are rather than just what they do.
9. Have Faith in Their Path
The most powerful thing you can do is believe in your child. Trust that:
They are capable of making choices that are right for them.
Your guidance, not control, is what they need most.
Allowing them to be themselves is the greatest gift you can give.
10. Address Bullying at Home
Every child will face challenges, and at some point, bullying is a reality many will encounter. The issue isn't that they face adversity—it’s whether they have the emotional tools and support to navigate it. At home, a child’s emotional resilience can be shaped by the way they’re supported through tough situations. If there is a narrative at home that reinforces the idea that they aren’t good enough, or that their worth is tied to external validation, it can magnify the impact of bullying.
By fostering a strong sense of self-worth at home, you can help your child respond to bullying with confidence and emotional strength. Here’s how:
Acknowledge their feelings when they experience bullying. Don’t downplay or dismiss their pain.
Focus on building their self-esteem by reinforcing their unique qualities and strengths.
Teach them healthy coping strategies for managing the emotional effects of bullying.
📌 Example from Adolescence: Jamie is bullied for being “different,” but his emotional world at home doesn’t give him the tools to manage this. If Jamie’s parents had supported his emotional needs and made him feel valuable, he could have been more resilient in dealing with the bullying.
A Final Thought
If you ever catch yourself thinking, “They should act or feel a certain way because that’s how I was raised,” STOP. Instead, get curious. Ask questions. Learn about their world.
Reflection: What’s one small change you can make today to better support your child’s emotional well-being?
By implementing these changes, you create an environment where your child feels seen, supported, and safe. Parenting isn’t about molding a child into who you want them to be—it’s about giving them the space to become who they are meant to be.
Biography
Cristina is a licensed therapist and trauma specialist, with a focus on helping individuals heal from transgenerational trauma. Drawing from her own experiences as an immigrant, she offers a compassionate, culturally sensitive approach to therapy, guiding clients through their emotional struggles and helping them break free from inherited patterns of pain. As the founder of Empower U, Cristina is dedicated to supporting individuals in finding their true selves and overcoming generational challenges. When she’s not working with clients, Cristina enjoys writing and educating others about the impact of trauma, mental health, and healing.
